The “About To” Trap
The trade-off between waiting to be ready and deciding to start
Have you ever wanted that thing? Or to do that thing? Or to be that person?
You keep talking about plans. About how you’ll get there someday. But it just doesn’t feel like the right time to act and make it happen.
You get stuck in what we’ve started calling “about to” mode.
About to start working out. About to reorganize the closet. About to finally look into that thing you’ve been putting off for months. You’re not saying no. You’re saying soon. And soon never comes with a date attached.
We both live in this. We catch each other in it constantly. And we’ve been thinking a lot about why it happens — and what it actually takes to get out of it.
Julia
I was “about to” start weightlifting for a long time.
I’d been taking classes — pilates, dance, hot yoga, the things I was comfortable with. And Thomas kept saying I should lift with him. I was interested. I wasn’t resistant to the idea. I just couldn’t find the motivation to change what I was already doing because I was so in the rhythm of my routine.
And even when I did start weightlifting with him, I continued to make up reasons I didn’t want to lift: our home gym didn’t have a mirror, the music wasn’t good, or the kids would need me (that was actually one that was a real deterrent).
That’s the thing about “about to” mode — it doesn’t just keep you from starting. It follows you in. You start, and then you look for reasons to stop. Because familiar still feels safer. You know what you know. And taking on something new requires a different mindset. Sometimes it just seems like too much effort to get into that mindset.
I’m the same way with things that should be way more urgent. I knew for a year that I needed to look into some autoimmune issues and inflammation troubles with my knees. A full year. I had the name of the doctor I wanted to see. I knew it was important. And I kept pushing it off.
I finally promised myself on our trip in January that I would reach out. I booked the appointment, and now things are actually progressing. But I think about how long I sat on that — something that directly affected my health, my body, how I feel every day — and it’s hard to explain why I waited. Except that I think we all have these moments of inspiration where we feel ready to act, and then the moment passes. And you have to wait for it to come back around. And if you miss that window, it just keeps getting pushed.
The same thing happened with adopting new tools — AI, different apps for my workflow. Thomas would show me something, and I’d think, that looks useful, but I’m fine with how I’m doing it now. The change felt bigger than it actually was. Every single time, once I actually sat down for one real session — just took the time to try it — I’d realize it wasn’t that much work at all. And then you add a little bit more the next time, and a little more, and pretty soon you can’t imagine not having it.
That’s the pattern I see over and over: the starting is the biggest hurdle. Not the doing.
The rest of this post is about the trade-off we keep making without realizing it — and what Thomas and I do differently when we catch ourselves stalling.
